I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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