Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
