I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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