god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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