Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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