I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
