Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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