Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
