so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The best revenge is premature balding
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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