I bet he comes in French.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
