His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
