She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
