I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
