You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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