can u get pink eye on your cock?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
