My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
