I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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