I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
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