I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
