Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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