I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
