SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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