I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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