Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
