I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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