AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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