He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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