those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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