You're completely useless in the revolution.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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