Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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