this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
