I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
