i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
