Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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