I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I believe in your delicious
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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