Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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