Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
