this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
