I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
