Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
