I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
