I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
