The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is the high leading the old right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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