I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
