3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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