Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
