I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
