It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
