Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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