After last night, I could never be a politician.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
