Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
