boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
