bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
